PSA: Cap'n Crunch is not a real captain and the hat proves it

So I was rewatching old Saturday morning ads on YouTube with my nephew and he asked why Cap'n Crunch wears a captain's hat when he never actually steers a ship. I pulled up a freeze frame and counted four stripes on his sleeve, which would make him a full captain, but his "ship" is just a bowl of cereal. I spent like 40 minutes looking up naval uniform rules at my kitchen table in Fresno and now it bugs me that nobody else seems to care. The guy never gives an order to anyone besides kids eating breakfast. Does this bother anyone else or am I just losing it over a cartoon pirate?

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