My "deep POV" attempt at a writing prompt fell flat on its face last night

I was trying to write from the prompt "describe a room through the eyes of someone who just lost everything" and I thought I was being so clever with the deep point of view... lots of sensory details, stuffy air, dust motes. But I got so caught up in describing the empty picture frames on the wall that I completely forgot to actually make it feel sad. My writing group called me out on it. One person said "this reads like a real estate listing." Ugh. So I rewrote it focusing on just one object - a single coffee mug in the sink with lipstick on the rim. That did the trick. Has anyone else had a prompt totally backfire on them like that?

3 comments

3 Comments

grantf7313d ago

The coffee mug rewrite sounds like exactly the right move. I had a similar thing happen with a scene about a character returning to their childhood home after their mom passed away. I was so busy describing the wallpaper pattern and how the stairs creaked that my beta reader was like "is this supposed to be nostalgic or creepy?" Once I zeroed in on the dent in the kitchen floor where her walker had hit the same spot for years, suddenly the whole thing clicked. Sometimes less is way more when you pick the right detail.

mary_foster9213d ago

Wait, so your first draft was a "real estate listing" but with empty picture frames... that's honestly kind of hilarious... I'd probably read the whole thing and be like "wow this house sounds clean" before realizing someone's life just fell apart.

lucasw8213d ago

Haha you're not far off honestly. The empty picture frames thing was more about how the house looked staged for sale but nobody actually LIVED there yet. Like the frames were hung up but with no photos in them so the whole place felt hollow. It accidentally nailed the vibe I was going for, but for all the wrong reasons at first.